I can't fall asleep

Its 2.20am and I can’t sleep at all at the moment (nothing new there) so I thought I might as well make use of my time and rant a little bit.

We’ve just broken up from uni for Easter at the moment and the majority of my friends already went back home a few days back. However I’ve decided not to go home simply because ive still got some work to do and I know that back home I’m not going to revise at all. None of my best mates back home (but one) have gone to university therefore whenever I go home they’re always there and obviously I always end up seeing them, therefore I know I will just be distracted a lot if I go home. So basically yeah I’ve decided to stay up here but I will hopefully be going home for a couple of days within the next two to three weeks. One of my best mates here is from France and her mother lives in Morocco and as she isn’t able to go home I thought I would stay here and keep her company!

My flat is incredibly quiet and boring at the moment and I don’t like it at all! I thought I would revel in the silence and peacefulness but actually it’s too quiet for me. I also don’t like knowing that im the only one in the flat as I find it quite unsettling. However on the plus side I can make as much noise as I want to and not have to worry about waking anybody up when im coming in from a night out..

The other night when I was coming back from a night out I had got to the last set of stairs and what did I see sitting on the last step, an enormous spider! It was the first spider that I’ve seen since being at university and I of course totally freaked out. I have an immensely huge fear of spiders to the point where they make me feel physically sick; I cry and sometimes have panic attacks. When im at home it’s never too bad as my younger brother is usually around to get rid of them for me or one of my parents. Luckily two of my friends were walking me up to my flat so one of them moved it, but if they hadn’t of been there I honestly don’t know what I would of done.

I think it’s really silly how im so petrified of spiders because when you think about it logically, the “wild” ones in our country are not poisonous and can therefore not hurt you. As a human being I am clearly bigger than it and have more power than it as I can easily kill it. Yet there is still something about these creatures which unsettle me. I think a combination of many things such as the way they move and how abnormal looking they are. I also always think that they are going to jump on me whenever I look at one. Thinking about them and writing about them at the moment is really making me feel weird so I’m going to stop now. It’s nearly 3am now and I have a big busy day for a Sunday so I am actually going to try and fall asleep now. Hopefully I won’t have any nightmares about spiders!