EXAMS ARE OVER

So the past couple of weeks have been rather stressful and busy! I had my end of year exams last week and kept putting off revision. The week before my exams I went home for the week as I hadn’t been home since February (I didn’t go home for Easter) which was actually so nice and refreshing. I wanted to just be able to enjoy being at home by just sitting around in my bed, watching TV and eating lots of food but I was unable to do this as I had to cram in as much revision as possible! I had family stuff occurring on Friday Saturday and Sunday and my cousins came down from Birmingham on the Saturday so it was all very busy and hectic. I also went out on Saturday night for one of my best friend’s birthdays so revision was definitely the last thing on my mind!

However I managed to (somehow) get through and it is such a relief to know that my exams are over and my first year of university is officially over! Now I can easily relax and just enjoy my summer (and not think about the possibility that I may have failed my exams!) I’m staying at university for another week just so I can chill and spend some time with my friends before we say goodbye for summer. Whilst I am actually quite sad that my first year has come to an end I am extremely excited for this summer. In less than three weeks I am going to Morocco with one of my best friends for a couple of weeks and then in July I am going to Tenerife with my girls. In August hopefully I will be working a lot and making money before then returning back to university in September. Now that I’ve officially finished everything I’ve got a lot of time on my hands so expect lots more blogs and ramblings from yours truly.

Tiger Temple; a sanctuary or a prison?

Tigers are my favourite animals. My favourite film to date is The Lion King; even though I am a nineteen year old I still find the film powerful and moving which may sound absurd to some but to me the film means a lot. From that film I developed a love for lions. Growing up as child, tigers in films were usually portrayed as the “evil” animal. For example in “The Jungle Book” everyone knows that the character of Shere Khan is the baddie who tries to kill all the humans.

However I very quickly became fascinated with Tigers; I would regularly beg my mum to take me to the library so I could take out big books just to look at the images of tigers as I thought they were stunningly beautiful. I’ve had various teddies, posters and photos and even now tigers are everywhere in my room from my calendar to some of my t-shirts. Being of Hindu – Punjabi descent, one of the Hindu goddesses I believe in is called Durga Ma and she sits on a tiger; something I found intriguing growing up. From my perspective tigers quickly went from being symbolised as evil to powerful and majestic.

I’ve always thought of adopting a tiger with the WWF (I am forever always seeing the adverts on TV and in magazines) however I have always been put off because I feel as if you don’t really know exactly where your money is going and how its helping tigers. Sure you get a nice cuddly tiger teddy (even though I’ve got plenty of them!) along with some posters to stick on your wall, but how do you really know what your money is being used for?

Anyways I’ve always wanted to do something to help protect the creatures as they are already endangered and quickly disappearing; if I am to ever have kids I’d like to think that I will be able to share my passion for tigers with them and still be physically be able to show them a tiger.

One of my dreams and things to do before I die is to actually see a tiger face to face and be able to touch it. There are many various tiger reserves in India and I used to go to the country every year so I did a bit of research but I couldn’t find a park where you could actually come into physical contact with the big cats. Then I stumbled upon a place in Thailand called “Tiger Temple”. At last I thought, this is where I am going to go!

The temple is run by monks and basically they live with fully grown tigers. It has quickly become a tourist attraction as you are able to pet the tigers, feed the cubs, and give them baths and many other activities. Obviously the more you pay, the more you can do. It opened in 1990 when an orphaned baby cub was given to the monks which soon died. However another two were then given and from then on more and more orphaned cubs were brought up by the monks. Imagine my excitement when I then found out that the town in which this tiger temple resides in is called Kanchanaburi.
KANCHAN aburi! I immediately decided that this is the place I would go to one day; either during a summer or when I finish my university degree (bearing in mind this was a year ago).

Now one of my best friends is going to Thailand this summer with her Dad, and I was telling her about the place and her Dad is actually taking her to the tiger temple. To say I’m jealous is simply an understatement! She told me this today (through BBM) and I was with my cousin at the time (who went travelling for two months in Thailand with her boyfriend around two years ago) and I mentioned it to my cousin. She then told me that they had actually been to Kanchanaburi and that they were going to go to the tiger temple, but people told them that the tigers were constantly drugged up and sometimes abused. They also met a girl who actually got bitten on the bottom by one of the tigers! Obviously this put both her and her boyfriend off from visiting and also gave me a lot of doubts. Today I’ve been doing some research and there’s actually a whole website dedicated to unveiling the truth about the tiger temple; there are videos, photos and comments from tourists all showing abuse and highlighting what my cousin was saying. Many of the photos show the animals being hit with large metal tools or big sticks, and there a few showing some tigers suffering from malnutrition.

Seeing all the different websites and articles not only made my stomach churn but also made me feel so angry. How could anyone mistreat such a beautiful creature and why? I suppose I had been quite naïve to think that the tigers would peacefully just roam around and not harm any of the tourists who would appear as strangers to them. Then again I simply believed that the tigers had been raised by the monks from birth when they were cubs meaning that they would have been used to human company and seen it as a norm. Clearly this is not the case.

I then started to wonder if this really was true, surely something would have been done? As far as I can tell the tiger temple is still very much up and running. The only way you can really find out is to go out there and see it for yourself. Therefore I told my best friend about it all and she is determined to find out what exactly is going on. Hopefully she will be able to find out something so watch this space! In the meantime im off to go sleep and hug my beloved teddy tiger.

I'd rather keep my five pennies thanks

I normally always chose Starbucks over any coffee shop. But lately (can’t believe im saying this) its becoming a bit repetitive and I fancied a change of scenery, so my friend suggested we go to Café Nero.

I’d only been there once before and I actually rather enjoyed it that time so I was like yeah sure why not. I ordered myself a chai latte with extra cinnamon (I love cinnamon yum) and was just waiting to pay. When my order was put through the till I had noticed a little sign saying something like “donate just 5p today towards Tanzania today”. The money raised would help them build water conservations; I wondered if the woman serving me would bother to ask me if I wanted to donate and surely enough she did.

However, just before she did there was a customer right next to me on my left hand side who was also being served by another staff member and got asked the same question before me. Her response was one that I wasn’t expecting and I personally found it quite rude and pathetic. The girl serving her said “Would you like to donate 5p today to a charity for Tanzania to help them with their water supply?” and the woman simply looked at her for a few second with a look of disgust on her face before finally replying, “Ermmm. No.” Fair enough I thought it’s your money do with it what you will.

She then went on to say, (with the same disgusted look on her face) “Why aren’t you supporting a more local charity? Why an African one? Why not one in England?” You could tell that the lady serving her was quite flabbergasted as she stuttered in her words when trying to say something along the lines of, “Erm oh well I don’t know, that’s just the charity that we are supporting at the moment.” The woman simply replied with an “Oh. Right.” She simply took her drink and walked off.

Whilst it can be seen that this was a really minor incident, it really annoyed me and got me thinking. I mean this woman was so reluctant to give up 5 pennies that was going towards a good cause. Its only 5p I hardly doubt its going to cause a dent in anybody’s bank! And since the money is going towards a charity, why would you say no? I certainly said yes and definitely felt less guilty about enjoying a drink out.

I really disapproved of her attitude and it got me thinking, if it had been a more “local” or “British” charity would she of happily giving the small donation? Obviously there are some exceptions as some charities may lie closer to your heart than others; for example I am always very giving to the breast cancer charity as my grandmother died from breast cancer. If your giving to a charity does it really make a different as to what the charity is for; we are so fortunate to lead the lives we do it shouldn’t be such a chore to give every now and again.

I can't fall asleep

Its 2.20am and I can’t sleep at all at the moment (nothing new there) so I thought I might as well make use of my time and rant a little bit.

We’ve just broken up from uni for Easter at the moment and the majority of my friends already went back home a few days back. However I’ve decided not to go home simply because ive still got some work to do and I know that back home I’m not going to revise at all. None of my best mates back home (but one) have gone to university therefore whenever I go home they’re always there and obviously I always end up seeing them, therefore I know I will just be distracted a lot if I go home. So basically yeah I’ve decided to stay up here but I will hopefully be going home for a couple of days within the next two to three weeks. One of my best mates here is from France and her mother lives in Morocco and as she isn’t able to go home I thought I would stay here and keep her company!

My flat is incredibly quiet and boring at the moment and I don’t like it at all! I thought I would revel in the silence and peacefulness but actually it’s too quiet for me. I also don’t like knowing that im the only one in the flat as I find it quite unsettling. However on the plus side I can make as much noise as I want to and not have to worry about waking anybody up when im coming in from a night out..

The other night when I was coming back from a night out I had got to the last set of stairs and what did I see sitting on the last step, an enormous spider! It was the first spider that I’ve seen since being at university and I of course totally freaked out. I have an immensely huge fear of spiders to the point where they make me feel physically sick; I cry and sometimes have panic attacks. When im at home it’s never too bad as my younger brother is usually around to get rid of them for me or one of my parents. Luckily two of my friends were walking me up to my flat so one of them moved it, but if they hadn’t of been there I honestly don’t know what I would of done.

I think it’s really silly how im so petrified of spiders because when you think about it logically, the “wild” ones in our country are not poisonous and can therefore not hurt you. As a human being I am clearly bigger than it and have more power than it as I can easily kill it. Yet there is still something about these creatures which unsettle me. I think a combination of many things such as the way they move and how abnormal looking they are. I also always think that they are going to jump on me whenever I look at one. Thinking about them and writing about them at the moment is really making me feel weird so I’m going to stop now. It’s nearly 3am now and I have a big busy day for a Sunday so I am actually going to try and fall asleep now. Hopefully I won’t have any nightmares about spiders!

No longer a fresher!

I find it so hard to believe that my first official year of university is over! That’s it, im no longer a fresher and when I return next year that’s when all the real hard will truly begin. It’s really quite scary and daunting; the fact that time is literally running away and before you know it it’s the beginning of another new month or you’ve got another deadline approaching. This academic year has truly been a huge important learning curve for me in my life, not only do I feel educated but I also feel as if I’ve learnt a lot about myself and how I deal with certain situations. The whole university experience has taught me to emotionally grow up (sounds harsh but its true) and that in life you have to look out for yourself because nobody else is going to. Everyone is out there for theirselves. Along the way Ive met so many different types of people and made some amazing friends as well as slightly lost, but that’s life.

When I first came to university I remember how much I hated it and within two days I was ready to quit and go back home. Being in such a different environment and being around people who were so unlike to me was really hard to take in. every single day I was crying to the point where one day I was actually physically sick because I could not stop crying. Hand on my heart I can honestly say that I never believed I would still be here at the end of the year. Whilst I don’t regret staying, I definitely wish I had cared more about my university application and looked around at different universities and worked harder in my A-Levels.

Having said that, I have always believed that everything in my life happens for a reason. Whilst I try not to look into things too much, I do and I believe everyone in my life has a purpose and role to serve. I have met many people from all different sorts of backgrounds since being at university and each and every single one of them has definitely either changed me in a way or opened up my eyes and taught me something. I have some friends who I admire for their strength and positivity, and then I have met some people who possess certain qualities which have instantly made me dislike them. I definitely can’t wait to see what my second year of university brings me. The only aspect of it I am not looking forward to is having to grow up.

Dreaming..

"A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read."
The Talmud

Dreams are personally extremely significant to me. I understand that for many people dreaming is just a simple process which occurs whilst they are sleeping, but for me they are so much more.

I know there are many different stages of sleep and different levels of dream, but most mornings when I wake up I will be able to re-call at least two of my dreams. Now from reading my previous blog you will be aware that I have problems falling asleep; on an average night I will have around 5 hours sleep. Whenever I sleep for more I always end up having a broken sleep where I will wake up once or twice in the middle of the night. Sometimes if I have had a really peculiar dream I will write it down in my dream diary first or quickly scribble a note before I fall back asleep.

Nobody really knows the real purpose of dreams, although many believe it’s your subconscious trying to get through to you. I personally believe that dreams are full of meanings and certain dreams can happen for a reason. There can be many different interpretations of a certain dream but I always chose the one which I feel best applies to me. For example, I recently had a dream that I was around 8 years old again and living at the very first house I lived in. I was cooking in the kitchen and ended up setting the house on fire. The first thing I did was run upstairs to my room to grab my baby shawl (my Nan who is now dead knitted it for me) before running outside. Once the fire was put out we were allowed back inside as only the kitchen had been damaged. I often check the meanings of dreams at this website; http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ and I saw that dreaming of your house on fire can mean multiple things from “indicating you need to undergo some sort of transformation” to “you are fighting against a change as you are not ready for it..” I personally believed the first meaning as that week I had been incredibly lazy, i had not been eating right and had been slacking in general. Therefore I had said to myself that the following week I would try and eat healthier, stay on top of all my work and attend all my lectures and seminars. I also found it really interesting how in my dream, the only thing I wanted to save was my baby shawl. I have never through about what I would want to save if my house was on fire and so began thinking about it after. I came to the conclusion that actually the only thing I would want to save would in fact be my baby shawl.

I strongly believe that every human must of at least had one significant dream that stopped them in their tracks and made them think, “Wow, I wonder what that meant!” or “why did I have that particular dream?” Its just that for some people they aren’t too bothered about it whereas other people will look into the specific meanings.

Insomnia

For as long as I can remember I have always found it extremely difficult to fall asleep. My parents have both told me that as a baby I was such a nightmare to put to sleep but they didn’t think anything of it and just assumed it was the norm as all parents experience difficulties with putting young babies to sleep. My dad then started lying me face down on his belly and found that this used to make me fall asleep instantly. Now because of that I genuinely can only fall asleep in that position, I cant sleep on my back or side but only on my front so cheers dad!

I honestly remember as a young kid I used to repeatedly find it hard to fall asleep. Sharing a bedroom with my younger sister I can recall I would stay up and talk to her for ages trying to get her to stay awake as I absolutely hated being the only one awake. When trying to fall asleep I would make up imaginary scenarios in my head such as my perfect holiday or situations that would never happen.

Over the years my problem has definitely got worse. I have been to the doctors many times but they always end up finding something else which is wrong with me or just tell me im “stressed” out. Eugh I hate hearing that.

Some days I find myself wide awake till 4 in the morning, and then I wake up at half 7 for a full day. When I know I’ve got to be awake in the morning I start to panic and I get really agitated and anxious. Sometimes I will physically get out of bed and just pretend that its normal day time and get on with some work or do something useful such as tidy my wardrobe or clean my en-suite. I have started to learn how to deal with my issue and I know what works and what doesn’t work for me personally.

For example I find that the nights I get the best sleep are those days when I am at my busiest and active, which seems quite obvious really. I remember when I went home for Christmas and I worked 9-6 Monday to Friday, and my sleeping pattern was absolutely amazing, as I would always come home exhausted from travelling and work that I would simply have a shower, a little dinner and then fall asleep. Another thing that helps me is going for a really long walk about an hour or two before I want to fall asleep, apart from the exercise I find that the fresh air really makes a difference. I also find it comforting if there’s somebody else sleeping next to me or in the same room; more often than not back home I will climb into my mums bed and fall asleep.

Apart from being annoying, my sleeping pattern has definitely caused some problems. I find myself over sleeping sometimes and missing important seminars/lectures and meetings. When I haven’t slept properly I’m really cranky and moody during the day; I always try my best to avoid napping as then I don’t sleep during the night, but sometimes I am physically exhausted I have to give in. It’s like a viscous circle.

My sleeping pattern at the moment is off the wall and completely inconsistent. I plan on being a lot more active this week and eating a lot healthier which I hope will make a difference.