Dreaming..

"A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read."
The Talmud

Dreams are personally extremely significant to me. I understand that for many people dreaming is just a simple process which occurs whilst they are sleeping, but for me they are so much more.

I know there are many different stages of sleep and different levels of dream, but most mornings when I wake up I will be able to re-call at least two of my dreams. Now from reading my previous blog you will be aware that I have problems falling asleep; on an average night I will have around 5 hours sleep. Whenever I sleep for more I always end up having a broken sleep where I will wake up once or twice in the middle of the night. Sometimes if I have had a really peculiar dream I will write it down in my dream diary first or quickly scribble a note before I fall back asleep.

Nobody really knows the real purpose of dreams, although many believe it’s your subconscious trying to get through to you. I personally believe that dreams are full of meanings and certain dreams can happen for a reason. There can be many different interpretations of a certain dream but I always chose the one which I feel best applies to me. For example, I recently had a dream that I was around 8 years old again and living at the very first house I lived in. I was cooking in the kitchen and ended up setting the house on fire. The first thing I did was run upstairs to my room to grab my baby shawl (my Nan who is now dead knitted it for me) before running outside. Once the fire was put out we were allowed back inside as only the kitchen had been damaged. I often check the meanings of dreams at this website; http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ and I saw that dreaming of your house on fire can mean multiple things from “indicating you need to undergo some sort of transformation” to “you are fighting against a change as you are not ready for it..” I personally believed the first meaning as that week I had been incredibly lazy, i had not been eating right and had been slacking in general. Therefore I had said to myself that the following week I would try and eat healthier, stay on top of all my work and attend all my lectures and seminars. I also found it really interesting how in my dream, the only thing I wanted to save was my baby shawl. I have never through about what I would want to save if my house was on fire and so began thinking about it after. I came to the conclusion that actually the only thing I would want to save would in fact be my baby shawl.

I strongly believe that every human must of at least had one significant dream that stopped them in their tracks and made them think, “Wow, I wonder what that meant!” or “why did I have that particular dream?” Its just that for some people they aren’t too bothered about it whereas other people will look into the specific meanings.

Insomnia

For as long as I can remember I have always found it extremely difficult to fall asleep. My parents have both told me that as a baby I was such a nightmare to put to sleep but they didn’t think anything of it and just assumed it was the norm as all parents experience difficulties with putting young babies to sleep. My dad then started lying me face down on his belly and found that this used to make me fall asleep instantly. Now because of that I genuinely can only fall asleep in that position, I cant sleep on my back or side but only on my front so cheers dad!

I honestly remember as a young kid I used to repeatedly find it hard to fall asleep. Sharing a bedroom with my younger sister I can recall I would stay up and talk to her for ages trying to get her to stay awake as I absolutely hated being the only one awake. When trying to fall asleep I would make up imaginary scenarios in my head such as my perfect holiday or situations that would never happen.

Over the years my problem has definitely got worse. I have been to the doctors many times but they always end up finding something else which is wrong with me or just tell me im “stressed” out. Eugh I hate hearing that.

Some days I find myself wide awake till 4 in the morning, and then I wake up at half 7 for a full day. When I know I’ve got to be awake in the morning I start to panic and I get really agitated and anxious. Sometimes I will physically get out of bed and just pretend that its normal day time and get on with some work or do something useful such as tidy my wardrobe or clean my en-suite. I have started to learn how to deal with my issue and I know what works and what doesn’t work for me personally.

For example I find that the nights I get the best sleep are those days when I am at my busiest and active, which seems quite obvious really. I remember when I went home for Christmas and I worked 9-6 Monday to Friday, and my sleeping pattern was absolutely amazing, as I would always come home exhausted from travelling and work that I would simply have a shower, a little dinner and then fall asleep. Another thing that helps me is going for a really long walk about an hour or two before I want to fall asleep, apart from the exercise I find that the fresh air really makes a difference. I also find it comforting if there’s somebody else sleeping next to me or in the same room; more often than not back home I will climb into my mums bed and fall asleep.

Apart from being annoying, my sleeping pattern has definitely caused some problems. I find myself over sleeping sometimes and missing important seminars/lectures and meetings. When I haven’t slept properly I’m really cranky and moody during the day; I always try my best to avoid napping as then I don’t sleep during the night, but sometimes I am physically exhausted I have to give in. It’s like a viscous circle.

My sleeping pattern at the moment is off the wall and completely inconsistent. I plan on being a lot more active this week and eating a lot healthier which I hope will make a difference.

Jealousy

Its such an ugly, undesirable trait right. It can cause you to come off as a “stuck up, bitchy” and sometimes crazy person, causing strains in all relationships from friends family to boyfriend/girlfriends. Usually its an emotion which stems from a sense of insecurity and anxiety rather than bitchiness.

I get jealous extremely easily.

Of other people and certain situations. The littlest things can make me so mad, and really get to me. To anyone else it will just seem like something minor and they will be easily able to brush it off their shoulders, however with me that “minor” thing will stay stuck to my shoulder and hover over me. Until I finally get over it and let it go. Or until I get jealous of some other ridiculous thing. The annoying thing is I know its wrong, I tell myself all sorts of things like “Stop getting so upset/pissed off over something so ridiculous” and I remind myself of all the horrific things that are happening to people all over the world.

I guess everyone gets jealous though in some way or another, we just don’t like to admit it because it shows a part of you which is essentially vulnerable. Everyone who meets me assumes that I’m this strong, fierce person, which I am but there’s so much more to me. Inside I am actually a sensitive soul and the littler things get to me more than you could ever imagine. I guess I just need to stop dwelling on things so much and focus my attention and energy on more important things. As Keri Hilson sings, “Jealousy’s the ugliest trait, don’t ever do it!”

From now on I’m definitely going to remember the quote below whenever I feel the green eyed monster creeping back into me.

“Ignore jealousy. Instead, admire another's beauty & let it inspire you because tearing them down will only show others just how ugly you really are”

March 11th – Japan earthquake

The huge mass destruction that Japan suffered as a result of an earthquake is unbelievable. The images and news reports are truly heartbreaking and my thoughts are with all those affected. When disasters such as these occur it really does wake you up and open your eyes to the real issues that are happening across the world.

You stop being so self centred and think yeah okay I might of missed the bus, I might of had an argument over something minor with a friend or I might be fuming because my flatmates made the kitchen a mess, but its not really the end of the world.

There are much far worse things happening in the world to other people that thankfully you are not having to endure. You stop taking things for granted and begin to appreciate the smaller, finer things in life such as clean running water, a safe house and clean clothes.

However, it’s quite pitiful that it takes such a big tragedy to occur in order for us humans to start appreciating life more. Living in Britain we are on the whole rather lucky that we don’t suffer from natural disasters such as earthquakes, tsunamis or tornados.

If there’s one thing that I’ve most definitely learnt since coming to university, it’s that life is way too short and time most certainly is always flying past. Therefore I think it’s essential to live every moment as if it could be your last. I know that sounds extremely cheesy but its true; relish the times you spend with your friends, appreciate and show more love for your family, enjoy the littler things in life whether it’s a bowl of coco pops or a hug and most importantly always try to remain happy and positive because you have no time to be sad. In the words of Nicki Minaj and Drake, “everybody dies but not everybody lives!”

Altering your skin denying your heritage?

Jamaican dancehall star Vybz Kartel has been recently scrutinised under the media spotlight for lightning his skin through the use of bleaching creams. He claims that he lightens his skin to ensure that his many visible tattoos stand out more. However, many of his fans have been outraged and keen to voice their opinions as the majority of them are against this act of his.


Now I am all for changing the way you look in terms of changing your hair colour, your dress style etc, but altering the colour of your skin is definitely a huge drastic change! I can definitely see why so many people across the world are upset and angry as Kartel serves as a big role model amongst the Jamaican community. It can be seen that his attempts to whiten his skin sends out the message that lighter is better. For many centuries, white has been seen as the symbol of prosperity and superiority. More and more celebrities are endorsing this trend which echoes the belief that they too believe this is true. For example, Beyonce has been photographed lately with a lighter complexion and Barbie blonde locks. Undoubtedly she is a role model for many youngsters from all sorts of backgrounds; I grew up listening to Destiny’s Child and admired all three of the young singers. Therefore it can be seen that she is sending out the wrong message to young minds everywhere.





Kartel has fought back saying that his lighter skin is no different to white people using fake tan. However look where that has led the world; millions of men and women across the world have become so fixated upon having “sun-kissed golden” skin that they resort to using all sorts of different methods. As a young teenager myself I have seen how before every single night out, all of my girlfriends must first dress them selves in instant fake tan. Whilst this is just a temporary change, Vybz Kartel is that of a permanent change and I personally I believe it is an utter shame when anyone feels like the need to change the colour of their skin that they live in.


Recent studies have also shown how many bleaching creams contain high levels of mercury which can potentially cause kidney damage! It is astonishing to see the lengths that many people are willing to go to when attempting to alter the way they look. I understand that from time to time people wish to change the way they look. I have previously had light brown/blondish hair and now have red hair. I’ve also worn green contact lenses on many nights out but its not a look I have become fixated with. I am very proud of my golden Indian skin and dark brown eyes as I believe all these features unveil part of my character and who I am.


The fact that Kartel has compared his actions to the same as women wearing wigs, dying their hair, wearing fake nails etc is just ridiculous in my belief, and actually highlights the fact that perhaps this is all about him being troubled about his image. At the end of the day its his body, his skin and his choice to do whatever he wishes with it, even if it does provoke a lot of controversy.

Lupe Fiasco - The show goes on

Absolutely love this song at the moment, always have to play it first thing in the morning!